Why do I love her?

We spend our entire lives as human beings seeking a true connection with another person. For every perceived success there are myriad failures. How do we know when we have found real love? Have we not said the word to others and meant it only to see the relationship end? I’d like to think that I am always willing to be teachable and to stay in the moment. I’ve actually become quite good at it. I don’t worry about the future and I don’t spend any time rehashing past mistakes. This past year has put me in the best place of my life. Here, in the present, with the ability to offer myself fully to another person. This brings me to my girlfriend. She makes me laugh. I make her laugh. I am fully engaged in being with her. I told her that I would always put her first and I find that it is quite easy to do.  She has slowly let down her walls and we are becoming closer every day and I could not be happier. We are happy. We are very touchy and it feels good.

An area where couples sometimes have difficulties is in needing another person to validate what we like. My girlfriend is adventurous and that is something that I want in my life. I’m very solid and dependable and that is something she wants in her life. We mesh. Well, my girlfriend and I have divergent tastes in music. She makes me laugh because she’ll say things like, “I don’t like music with horns” or “That sounds old, I don’t like it.” When I point out that it really isn’t that old, she’ll say that it was before she was aware of it, so it’s old. It makes me laugh. Not in a mocking way but because it is funny and it makes me happy that she can say these things to me. She once told me, “Bananas make me mad” and I still crack up when I think about it. She’s being herself.

Last night this commercial came on and I told her that I loved the song:

She tells me that she doesn’t like what she calls the Oogy Boogy song (It’s Oogum Boogum by Brenton Wood). I downloaded the song so she could hear the entire song. No change. I’m grooving to it, moving like an old white guy. Anything? Nope, she doesn’t like it. I love it. She doesn’t. I don’t care.

Later, she hears a song and says, “You probably like this song.” I turned to her and said, “If it’s a song you don’t like, It’s probably one that I do.” We looked at each other and burst out laughing. This is why I love her.

Posted in Uncategorized | 2 Comments

…on being a school social worker

This post is written for my Mesa Community College and Arizona State University social work students so that they can truly understand and appreciate the journey they have started. It is dedicated to the students of Bostrom Alternative Center (19 yrs) and Maryvale High School (9 yrs) where I spent my career as a school social worker and who taught me more than I ever learned in graduate school.

There are many things to love about being a social worker. Every day is a new experience with new challenges. The great thing about social work is that there are so many different settings in which to practice. Hospitals, mental health clinics, child protective services, geriatrics, hospice…basically, any system where people come for help, there will most likely be a social worker. I was lucky enough to spend 27 of my 31 years in direct practice as a school social worker in the Phoenix Union High School District.

Being a school social worker affords you the opportunity to see young people mature and grow over 4-5 years and sometimes more if the student is receiving special education services. There is more control of the variables in a school setting because you have access to students six hours per day for a school year. That’s if students don’t drop out. So, the primary role of a school social worker is to help students and parents solve problems that are interfering with the student’s ability to progress towards graduation. We work with students, hopefully see them graduate and we wish them well as they go out into the world. With social media such an important and integral part of people’s lives, you never know when you will “run” into a student. Recently, a former student who I have remained close to all these years posted a picture of us on Facebook and she added me to the Bostrom Alternative Center group page. I was overwhelmed by the comments of my former students. Here they are:

You were a great! Thank you for being there for us!!!

Without you Joe and everyone else there at Bostrom. I don’t think half of us would’ve made it out with a diploma! Thank you for all of your support Joe!!!!!

….. you always had a smile Joe! Thanks for that too…

I don’t only credit Joe with helping me get a diploma, but with saving my life as well! Never would have made it through those years without you, Joe!

I was just about to say the same thing! Had it not been for Joe I wouldn’t be here today! Wow…..Joe DePinto! Seeing you on here made my day!

I’ve looked for you for years to say “thank you” and to let you know I survived. So good to finally hear from you!

My life was out of control. Then I went to Bostrom and met Joe and TJ. I have them to thank for where I am today.

I was overwhelmed. We don’t go into this field for the thank you’s. If they come along, great. We know the work we do and the help we have given. I tell my students that they did all the work and I just supported them but you know what? It feels really good to hear these things.

There was a very popular book in 1978 called The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck and the only thing I remember about the book is that the author, a psychiatrist, said that therapists must love their clients in order to be able to help them. He didn’t mean a romantic love but rather loving them as human beings being worthy of love. That’s really all I did. I’ve always told my social work students that when we work with young people we have to sometimes assume a parental role. I ask them, “What would a healthy parent do in this situation?” We discipline with love. We make a distinction between the behavior and the child’s worth. They are always separate. Trust me, adolescents know how to push the buttons that make you angry and I do not want to give the impression that I was always happy with how students acted with me. Here’s the deal. You screw up today and there are consequences. Tomorrow when I see you, it’s a new day and we start over. That’s how I did my job. That’s how you love your students and if I didn’t treat them this way, there wouldn’t be those Facebook comments you see above.

I’m not listing these comments to toot my own horn or to say how wonderful I am. I’m listing them because when you’re tired from your work and you don’t think that what you do matters, remember that it does matter. Those comments you see?  They’re from students I worked with almost thirty years ago! They won’t ever forget you and when they say these things, all you need to say is, “It was my great pleasure to be there for you. Thank you for allowing me to help you.”

This is why I loved being a school social worker. Thanks for reading as I rambled on.

Here is the picture of me and Kristen from about 30 years ago.


Joseph A. DePinto, LCSW

Posted in Children, Education, Social Work | Tagged , | Leave a comment

When You Lose A Beloved Dog

All I can say is that I know how it feels when a personal dog dies and that it never gets easier, the older I get. However let it be a comfort to you that the pain will turn into great memories of lessons given to you by your dog; lessons about love, loyalty, happiness, forgiveness, courage, humbleness and zest for life and most importantly about yourself. I believe that dogs are God’s gift which he gave us so that we have a chance to learn from them these lessons. They are also here to give us comfort and encouragement when we are down. Thus our dogs are not just our guardians, but most importantly they are our teachers. And when their dog’s job is done, then they have to go to doggie heaven back to God. The pain we feel when the dog goes young or old is so great, I know. However it is only a bargain tuition which we pay for these great lessons, protection and happiness the dog so generously and selflessly gave us.

Cherish these lessons and remember that the dog is not buried in the woods under a tree or in the desert or in the urn, but please know that your dog is buried in your heart where he will live in your memories as long as you do. Any time you want your dog, he will jump smiling from the tall grass and remind you of the happy times which you have had together and will have forever. Be grateful for it. – Hans Blabla

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

2013 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,700 times in 2013. If it were a cable car, it would take about 28 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

F.D.A. Seeks Tighter Control on Prescriptions for Class of Painkillers

They are basically talking about the reclassification of hydrocodone-containing painkillers as “Schedule II” medications from their current classification as “Schedule III” drugs.

The Food and Drug Administration on Thursday recommended tighter controls on how doctors prescribe the most commonly used narcotic painkillers.

The move, which represents a major policy shift, follows a decade-long debate over whether the widely abused drugs, which contain the narcotic hydrocodone, should be controlled as tightly as more powerful painkillers such as OxyContin.

Read the NY Times article here.

Posted in Addictions, Medicine, SWU 130 Chemical Dependency | Leave a comment

Psychotherapy’s Image Problem

An interesting article about the decline in patients seeking psychotherapy.

Psychotherapy’s Image Problem

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Where Are The New Advances in Psychotropics?

All of our current antidepressants, antipsychotics and anti-anxiety drugs share the same molecular targets in the brain as their prototypes from the 1950s.

Read the article here in the NY Times.

Posted in Medicine, Psychotherapy | Leave a comment