Why do I love her?

We spend our entire lives as human beings seeking a true connection with another person. For every perceived success there are myriad failures. How do we know when we have found real love? Have we not said the word to others and meant it only to see the relationship end? I’d like to think that I am always willing to be teachable and to stay in the moment. I’ve actually become quite good at it. I don’t worry about the future and I don’t spend any time rehashing past mistakes. This past year has put me in the best place of my life. Here, in the present, with the ability to offer myself fully to another person. This brings me to my girlfriend. She makes me laugh. I make her laugh. I am fully engaged in being with her. I told her that I would always put her first and I find that it is quite easy to do.  She has slowly let down her walls and we are becoming closer every day and I could not be happier. We are happy. We are very touchy and it feels good.

An area where couples sometimes have difficulties is in needing another person to validate what we like. My girlfriend is adventurous and that is something that I want in my life. I’m very solid and dependable and that is something she wants in her life. We mesh. Well, my girlfriend and I have divergent tastes in music. She makes me laugh because she’ll say things like, “I don’t like music with horns” or “That sounds old, I don’t like it.” When I point out that it really isn’t that old, she’ll say that it was before she was aware of it, so it’s old. It makes me laugh. Not in a mocking way but because it is funny and it makes me happy that she can say these things to me. She once told me, “Bananas make me mad” and I still crack up when I think about it. She’s being herself.

Last night this commercial came on and I told her that I loved the song:

She tells me that she doesn’t like what she calls the Oogy Boogy song (It’s Oogum Boogum by Brenton Wood). I downloaded the song so she could hear the entire song. No change. I’m grooving to it, moving like an old white guy. Anything? Nope, she doesn’t like it. I love it. She doesn’t. I don’t care.

Later, she hears a song and says, “You probably like this song.” I turned to her and said, “If it’s a song you don’t like, it’s probably one that I do.” We looked at each other and burst out laughing. This is why I love her.

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2 Responses to Why do I love her?

  1. Steve Lattman says:

    A story, perhaps pertinent:

    On the day of my wedding, we were lined up behind a curtain, about to enter the chapel in the order of the wedding processional. I was in the front of the line, about to walk the processional. I was flanked by my mother and father, followed by my sister and her then husband, Gloria’s brother and his then current wife, and Gloria and her parents.

    An organist was in the chapel entertaining the guests.

    The catering hall had assigned a wedding coordinator to help us through the process, and to be honest, the guy was a little bit of an asshole. My father and I quietly exchanged jokes about what the guy would do if he lost his job, and we both floated suggestions to one another (“Do you think he’d be a good rest room attendee? No, I think that’s beyond his capability.”, etc.)

    Suddenly, we heard sobbing coming from behind us. We turned, and Gloria was in tears, mere moments before out wedding. She was, to be honest, almost inconsolable.

    I walked the few steps towards her, and her parents parted, allowing me to try and calm her down. After all, in a few moments, we were about to be married.

    Gloria, what’s wrong?

    We are moving to Chicago after the wedding, and I’ll miss my friends!

    Gloria, you are about to get married, what most women would consider one of your life highlights, and you’re finding reasons to be sad. Why don’t you concentrate on how wonderful this day is, how beautiful you look, and how special the memories we will make today will be for the rest of your life?

    Joey, as I was calming her, I suddenly came to the realization that we were dramatically different, and our world outlook was diametrically opposed to one another. I saw the world as a cup overflowing, while Gloria saw the world as a glass half empty, with a crack and leaking fluids.

    I had never seen this before, and here, seconds before I was to get married, I suddenly realized that we were very different.

    The truth? Had I been a different kind of person, and if the situation was different, I would have reconsidered and perhaps, just maybe, I might not have gone through with it.

    But to me, doing that would be an act of betrayal so outrageous that I would have left my soon to be wife, her family and friends, in ruins. I calmed, her, walked the aisle, said my vows, and walked out of the chapel and towards the party room, a wide smile on my face, as if nothing in the world was bothering me.

    In March, we will celebrate our 38th anniversary.

    The truth: We DO have a different world view. Keeping her eyes fixed forward is a constant challenge, and keeping her from getting depressed and cynical is a never ending struggle.

    I love life! I love the forks in the road, the hurdles, and the challenges. They make me appreciate the good stuff, and not a day goes by that I don’t appreciate all of the difficulties that we’ve had to overcome, and all of the issues and mud we’ve slogged through (and as with everyone, we’ve had our mud).

    My wife is so different from me.

    But yet, she is a wonderful human being, and I’m blessed to have had her as a partner.

    We share so many of the same thoughts and beliefs and tenets, but our world view is diametrically opposed to one another.

    I will admit that there are days that the challenge tires me. It is so hard to continue to carry another human being, and there are days that I get frustrated.

    But what I’ve learned is that we don’t have to be the same person to succeed. We don’t have to enjoy the same music, the same art, share the identical political concepts, like the same styles.

    We simply have to want to make the other person happy, to believe that this partner is more important than we are, and that making them happy makes us happy.

    The rest? It’s just white noise.

    Enjoy the time, the love, and don’t try and figure it out.

    I can tell from my experience. It really doesn’t matter that much.


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